Rich, Successful — and Miserable:
New Research Probes Mid-Life Angst

JONATHAN CLEMENTS / Wall Street Journal 5oct2005

There really is a midlife crisis.

If you're in your 40s, you are probably pulling down a bigger paycheck than ever before, and your portfolio has never been fatter. And yet, if research by economists and psychologists is any guide, you have never been more miserable.

What's going on here — and what can you do about it? Here are some lessons from the burgeoning field of "happiness research."

Pounding the treadmill. 

Numerous studies have found that our happiness level through our lives follows a U-shape, with folks becoming increasingly dissatisfied as they approach their 40s and then bouncing back from there.

"That U-shape is just so robust, across so many studies and across so many countries," says Keith Bender, an economics professor at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. "You can't get away from it entirely. But you can do things to mitigate it."

It isn't clear why we become grumpy in middle age. It could be that we become increasingly disenchanted through our 20s and 30s as we realize our lives won't be everything we hoped. Eventually, however, we adapt, which is why our happiness rises as we grow older.

Alternatively, it could be that midlife unhappiness reflects the pressure of time, with folks in their 40s caught between family demands and long hours at work.

"In middle age, when you are at the peak of your career and you're having kids, time is your scarce resource," says David Schkade, professor of management at the University of California at San Diego. "You're too busy to improve how you feel."

Whatever the cause of midlife unhappiness, don't expect your next salary increase to make it all better. Yes, folks with higher incomes tend to be happier. And, yes, a jump in your salary will briefly boost your spirits.

But soon enough, you will get used to the higher income and you will once again find yourself with a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction. Experts sometimes refer to this as the "hedonic treadmill" or "hedonic adaptation," the notion that we rapidly adapt to improvements in our lives — and thus can end up feeling little or no better off.

Losing the glow. 

Hedonic adaptation doesn't just occur with every pay raise. You see the same process with a slew of other events, both good and bad.

Feeling dissatisfied? You might be tempted to get married or have children, both of which can bolster happiness. Similarly, you are likely to be more satisfied if you take a job where your work schedule is flexible, you don't have a long commute, you work fewer hours or you have a more senior position.

"The most important thing, if you can pull it off, is to get job security," says Andrew Oswald, an economics professor at England's Warwick University. "In international data and U.S. data, it is the single strongest correlate with overall job satisfaction."

Yet none of these changes is a cure-all. While a promotion or a more secure job is desirable, it's unlikely to bring a large, permanent increase in your level of happiness. As with a big pay raise, you will quickly adapt to your improved circumstances — and you may end up only marginally happier than you were before.

The data relating to children is especially jarring. Think having kids will make everything better? Reported happiness does indeed rise as the birth of a first child approaches. But the data indicate that parents' happiness tends to plummet immediately afterward.

"It's possible that having children has a positive effect over the long run," says Richard Lucas, a psychology professor at Michigan State University. "But having children also comes with lots of day-to-day challenges," making time-stressed couples feel even more overwhelmed.

The tendency for spikes in happiness to fade may seem like grim news. There is, however, a silver lining.

Not surprisingly, the death of a spouse, losing your job, ill health and getting divorced can all cause great unhappiness. But adaptation comes to the rescue. Folks usually adjust to these setbacks — and within a few years their reported happiness often returns to earlier levels.

Smelling the roses. 

What can you do about all this, particularly if you are in your 40s and feeling glum? Consider three strategies.

First, research suggests you can boost happiness by "counting your blessings." Sure, this sounds hokey. But according to experts, pausing occasionally to appreciate what you have may counteract the tendency to take improvements in your life for granted.

Second, think carefully about how you spend your spare time. The temptation is to opt for stuff that seems fun or easy, especially if you are getting run ragged at the office.

But studies indicate you will likely be happier if you make a point of trying activities that are enriching or challenging, such as volunteering or taking up a new exercise program, Prof. Schkade says. Be sure to mix it up a little, so these activities remain stimulating and you don't fall victim to hedonic adaptation.

Third, cultivate friendships. Research indicates that friends are one of the biggest contributors to happiness. Want proof? Check out the list in the accompanying chart (above). Among the most enjoyed activities, socializing with friends ranks second only to sex.

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Mindfully.org note: 

While there is a bit of confusion in this article, the direction is clear — money, in itself, does not make one happy. 

In order to maintain a lifestyle of the "rich and famous," one must deny the natural pleasures of life. Material wealth requires a near-total devotion. One must eliminate the distractions in order to focus on that goal. 

The first ones to go are those that have the greatest positive effect on our mental and physical health. It may seem quite difficult to deny the necessity of money in the world. But most people acknowledge that money is the root of all evil. A compromise is required here. And it is safe to say that overcompensating towards happiness shows greater wisdom.

Consider the opposite approach in overcompensating toward material wealth. Maintaining it requires a guarded attitude. Ones arms must continually wrap around such wealth in order to protect it from theft. Probably more relevant is the fact that not much of it lives up to the claims made during the courtship that lures one into buying it. Recall almost any purchase made during the last several years of your life — automobile, motorcycle, television, computer, bigger house, or any piece of technology for that matter.

Has it performed as stated in the advertising? 

Has it brought joy into your life? 

Of course these are rhetorical questions and the answers are emphatically no because they cannot bring joy to your life even if they actually worked as stated. They malfunction moments after the wrapping is removed. Technical help is woefully inadequate. But even worse, the design of these things is flawed, making it impossible to function as one would expect. And equally impossible for technical help personnel to rectify malfunctions.

Prime example of folly. 

Motor vehicles are designed to fall apart quickly enough to maintain corporate profit levels. 

There are so many of them on the roadways that, with little effort, one can peddle a bicycle nearly as fast in most cities. 

By remaining in the auto one denies the body the exercise it requires to maintain its health. And by adding motor vehicles to the roads, we make the air more unbreathable, requiring air filters to become standard equipment now in many models.

While wasting away ones life in a car, we are distracted by stereos and cell phones. These distractions further increase our tension levels, as well as the possibility of an accident. Greater levels of insurance are required with the increases in accidents. Violations of motor vehicle regulations also increase along with distractions. 

Because of the need to maintain income in order to possess these trappings of the "rich and powerful," we find our schedule crammed throughout the day without a moment to collect our thoughts. It is now necessary to be in two places at once, making the cell phone a requirement. 

As cell phone useage increases, stereo usage must decrease as the noise from the stereo must be eliminated in order to hear the extremely low quality of voice transmission over the cell phone. Even if the cell phone operated as the advertising illustrates, the noise must be eliminated so that one can concentrate on the call. If there were enough cell phone towers to provide high quality connections, our brains would be microwaved right out of existence. 

All of these so-called benefits of material wealth operate in such ways as to be entirely counterproductive to life as we would like it to be. 

So what is it we spend our lives struggling to attain? 

Could it be to access adequate health care? Possibly. But most M.D.s do not know what to tell us to put into or to keep out of our mouths in order to maintain health. And the incidence of cancer(s) continues to increase. 

There's a great deal more to consider here, but it is fairly clear that material wealth creates only an illusion of happiness that is short-lived at best.

 

The supreme good is like water, 
which nourishes all things without trying to. 
It is content with the low places that people disdain. 
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground. 
In thinking, keep to the simple. 
In conflict, be fair and generous. 
In governing, don't try to control. 
In work, do what you enjoy. 
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself 
and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.

from Tao Te Ching 
Lao-tzu (abt.551-479 BCE) 
translated by Stephen Mitchell 1988 ISBN 0-06-016001-2 
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