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Fill the babies with Similac
And sit `em in front of the TV set
Use plastic pampers and orlon clothes
Processed baby food and sugar 0's
Feed them no food with nutrients
Just to make sure they have no sense
Comb the hair with a plastic comb
Under artificial lighting in a synthetic home
With central air and a cordless phone
Making a zombie isn't easy and you know it
Miss one step and you'll surely blow it
Wear tight clothes to slow circulation
Watch color TV for radiation
Microwave the chemicalized foods
Eat on plastic plates with plastic spoons
Use aerosol sprays filled with perfume
To take your breath in every room
Wear hair spray, hair perms, and high heeled shoes
Watch soap operas and the six o' clock news
Use styrofoam, latex, spandex and velcro
Completely artificial is the way to go
Making a zombie isn't easy and you know it
Miss one step and you'll surely blow it
Read magazines that advertise
How to change the color of your eyes
Enlarge your breasts or shrink your thighs
And what kind of killer car to drive
Eat fast foods the faster the better
What it contains doesn't matter
Who cares what ingredients are in the batter
For best results don't stop the chatter
Don't pay attention, don't read the label
Don't try to pronounce it if you're not able
Just shorten it to BTZ
No one will know it's antifreeze
Zombie making is a science for real
Follow directions or you'll blow the whole deal
Listen to music that's way too loud
With lyrics that insult you
Braid your hair tight as can be
Don't worry that it hurts you
Do it zombie, do it all
Whatever they say, whatever the call
You don't have to think about
The many things you can live without
Just keep on paying for your demise
Don't read, don't study, don't get wise
Wear shoulder pads, fur coats and 20 gold
chains
Put chemicals on your hair to destroy the brains
Smoke cigarettes, drink soda and coffee too
Nicotine and caffeine were made for you
All zombies need drugs to stay alive
They work all day from nine to five
So they can buy all the jive
A zombie must have just to survive
Now, if you want this zombie to be great
You can't afford to deviate
Watch football games for goodness sake
Don't worry which team is on the take
For best results in your zombie creation
Watch five TV's on different stations
Uh, uh, uhhh, be careful now
Mustn't turn those commercials down
Commercials are the most important part
And very dear to the zombie's heart
So now you have a formula true
For making a zombie out of you
Of course this is the basic brand
For a more advanced model
You'll have to expand your thinking
To include bionics, implants
And subliminal forces
Which means you might
Need to take a few courses
If you plan to methodically produce
A first class zombie in a three-piece suit
That will go on a lifelong buying spree
Till it collects its social security
Then in an air-conditioned
old folks home
Where old tired zombies are free to roam
And dream about their zombie past
With all their store-bought glory
What happens when a zombie dies at last?
Well, that's another zombie story.
Staajabu
Excerpted from Scribes Rising © May 2002
ISBN# 0-9642340-5-X
Poetry Anthology by V.S. Chochezi and Staajabu
with contributions from Jessicah D. Pratt and
Tisho S. Pratt
Straight Out Scribes (left to right) Jessicah Pratt,
Staajabu, Tisho Pratt, V S. Chochezi
Photo by Shambulia-Kuishi Gadsden Sams
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