The Business of Business 

Lyla Ward / SF Chronicle 10jul01

Lyla Ward is a freelance writer who lives with her husband of 50 years in Amagansett, N.Y., and Wilton, Ct. When not writing, she enjoys woodwork, needlepoint and baking.

Don Asmussen Graphic

I HAVE always been as opposed to Big Business as my Republican friends are to Big Government. But as more and more buildings, theaters and athletic stadiums begin to bear the name of their corporate sponsors, I'm starting to reconsider.

If "American Airlines" is now emblazoned across a theater in New York and the show still goes on (and you may get Frequent Flyer miles to attend) what harm is there?

The idea of allowing our generous corporate citizens to share the expense of our public buildings and national monuments as well as skyscrapers and auditoriums is beginning to sound pretty good.

So we put their names up in neon lights, is that so bad?

Would it make the Library of Congress any less of an institution if it were called the Barnes & Noble Library of Congress? The same records would still be there, and the library could perk up their site by adding a list of best- sellers to their home page.

The more I think about it, the more possibilities I see for a profitable partnership between business and government.

Just by allowing the most subtle advertising, we taxpayers could save a bundle. Picture:

• The Sherwin-Williams White House: We paint every four years. There's no repeel.
• General Motors Interstate 95: Better roads for better cars.
• Scotchgard's Smithsonian Institute: Preservation is our only business.
• Smith Barney's Social Security: You earned it!
• Energizer's U.S. Senate: Keeps going and going and going.
• I.L.G.W.U.'s Lincoln Memorial: Look for the union label.
• Jockey Underwear's House of Representatives: The best seat in the House.
• Rolaid's Mount Rushmore: How do you spell relief?
• Maxwell House Coffee's Grand Canyon: Good to the last drop.
• General Electric's Department of Energy: We bring good things to life.
• Volkswagon's Pentagon: Think small.
• Taco Bell's Department of Immigration: Head for the border.
• Coca-Cola's Supreme Court: The laws that refresh.
• General Food's Jefferson Memorial: Celebrate the monuments of your life.

Not too shabby. And the best part is, at last, the Republicans and Democrats can both claim victory for their principles. Taxpayer dollars will no longer be paying for government excesses. The private sector will.

And if that's not finger lickin' good, you've never tasted Kentucky Fried Chicken.

If you have come to this page from an outside location click here to get back to mindfully.org