Monsanto Presents: The Porken 

Earth First! May/Jun01

Do We Want Pigs That Fly? From the People That Brought Us PCB's, Dioxin, & Agent Orange.

The vice president of Monsanto Canada, Ray Mowling, recently held a press conference at the University of Guelph to announce Monsanto's latest product of food biotechnology. The Porken, a small pig-like creature with wings, is the product of a pig genetically engineered with a chicken.

Developed with funding from the federal government, "The Porken will revolutionize the way Canadians eat breakfast," stated Mowling.

According to Stephen Yarrow of the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, commercial approval of the Porken is expected quickly. "We have deemed that if a pig and chicken could produce an offspring naturally that the Porken would likely be substantially equivalent to it, and therefore no human health testing will be required."

Monsanto Canada's Director of Risk Communications, Professor Douglas Powell from the University of Guelph, stated, "Today is a great day for all Canadians: The Porken will feed the world's hungry, eliminate the need for pesticides, reverse global warming, and will undoubtedly cure cancer and AIDS."

The National Post's resident ecologist, Terrence Corcoran, wrote that Monsanto should win a Nobel Prize for this accomplishments. "The world would be at a loss if it weren't for innovative companies like Monsanto: Who else would try W genetically engineer a pig with a chicken?" insisted Corcoran.

Gord Surgenor of Ontario AgriFood Technologies, a government-funded Biotech lobby group, stated that "Canadians want choice" and therefore Monsanto will be pushing for mandatory labeling.

Joyce Groote of BIOTECanada, another government-funded biotech lobby group, is thrilled with the federal government's decision to waive further testing. "This new product is the most tested Porken in the history of the world. Consumers should feel safe about this."

For more information, contact Monsanto at www.tao.ca/~ban or www.primalseeds.org.